Week Nine: The Art of Self-Confidence

Please bare with me please on this post as I am going to go off on a bit of a tangent. This has been an exciting week for me in my training even though it has been a relaxed "recovery" week. Mentally and physically things are changing. I have started to view myself as an athlete and have a new-found confidence in my abilities. I'm not sure "why now" the change in my thinking, but I like the way my mind is working. Things are clicking and it feels good.

I have been plagued by self doubt in the past, especially in my training/racing. Can I do it? Am I good enough? Strong enough? Fast enough? I laughed away my insecurities by making jokes about them. I'd make comments like "I'm sure the massage guys will be gone by the time I finish the race," and "I'll probably be out there drowning while you guys are swimming," or "The reason I didn't win will be because (insert silly phrase)".

Somewhere in the past few weeks I have found that I am refusing to give in to what I used to rely on to excuse my pre-conceived performance. Lately, if I catch the negative words coming out of my mouth I have actually slapped myself in the face to stop them! And I think the self-abuse is working. I am only allowing myself to think positive thoughts about my training and racing these days. That's not to say I don't struggle with the challenges before me, or still fight the fear of failure or of new situations. It's just that now I seem to give pause to the negativity that I have always covered with humor and I am trying to turn it around in my mind before it claims a spot in the abyss of my brain.

All of this self-reflection got me wondering about why I was no longer joking my way through my training. I suddenly realized that I was beginning to develop something I have never had... self-confidence. So, in true over-analytical fashion, I decided to research self-confidence as it relates to sports performance, and I found studies that actually showed a significant correlation between how one views oneself and how one performs in sports. I learned that the key to acquiring self-confidence was learning to accept all of the possible consequences to a particular situation, good or bad.

Self-confidence comes from knowing that you will cope with whatever scenario arises, and you will not be bothered by what other people may say about it. This confidence is not built up overnight, but comes with years of successes in practice and competition.

As I continued to read, I learned ways to help build my self-confidence. Interestingly enough, these techniques were already being utilized in my training, I just didn't realize it.

Physically, there was emphasis placed on improving the skills required in a particular sport through repetition of the same skills over and over. This "blocked" style of practice is especially good for beginners as once an activity is learned, a new, more challenging skill is added. A year ago when I was first learning to swim, my initial instruction was more about getting me across one lap of the pool without panicking. I repeated over and over the same skills and only the most glaring mistakes were being corrected. This allowed me to grow a sense of confidence in my ability to just get across the pool in an acceptable style. As my basic skills improved, my instruction morphed into more technical training and fine tuning of my freestyle. My confidence continues to grow with each new skill I master.

"Random" practice is about challenging an athlete with more difficult tasks in which improvement may not seem apparent at first, but may become noticeable later in a competition. Brickwork, for example, teaches us how to put the disciplines together so that come competition time we are a smooth oiled machine.

Besides the impact of positive self talk, there is also the use of visualization and imagery to improve confidence. If you picture yourself performing a task well you are more likely to do so.

I have been trying hard to think about my upcoming race only from a positive angle: How will the swim feel this year? I will be strong, and fast, and will not be afraid. I will feel the water and not fight it.

I try to imagine how good I will feel when I get out of the water within my goal time. If anything, this year I am more worried about controlling my emotion of my impending excitement over an awesome swim than I am of controlling the feeling of panic. I am working hard on remembering to just stay focused on the task of swimming and not to let any form of emotion creep in at all... until I am at a place where I can safely let out a "Woop Woop!" without it affecting my ability to breath.

Focus is an important tool in confidence building. Focus should be on the here and now, not on the entire event ~ but on what is at hand at the moment. In a race, past mistakes need to be forgotten. If the swim is not up to potential then move on and focus on the bike.  

Reflect. Think about the hours of training that got you to where you are. Think about how you have overcome challenges successfully in training many times. Fall back on your past experiences to push you forward.

Another way to improve self-confidence is through goal setting. I had a taste of this with my swim test this week. I went into the test with a goal pace in mind and was confident about achieving it. When I gave my time to my coach, she felt I could do better than my goal and we dropped it by another 12s/100yds. Initially I felt nervous about the challenge and had a wave of doubt, but then I let it go and focused on the task at hand. I missed my new goal pace by 2 seconds, but the fact that I had bettered my previous goal pace by 10 seconds boosted my confidence. And when I compared my results to my best test time last season and realized I had bettered that time by ten seconds I became even more confident about what the rest of training could do to make me even faster.

I found an article that offered up some exercises for building Self-Confidence in Sport that seemed worth incorporating into my training. I hope that my readers can find some useful tools to help them with tough points in their training.

Challenges for the Week:

• Letting myself recover. Although it was not a big challenge, there is a level of anxiety that seems to go along with recovery weeks. I had a few urges to go out and do unscheduled runs, but I overcame them...

• Testing. I find there are certain words that raise my level of anxiety in training. These words are "testing", "race pace", "sprint", and "to fatigue". Occasionally "Fartlek" will have the same effect. It's totally a mental thing. I associate these words with full effort, panicked breathing, discomfort. I wish we could rename them "establishing a baseline" or "goal challenge effort".

• Pacing. Kind of goes along with the struggle I have with the words "race pace". Finding that sweet spot of not too fast, not too slow. It does help to break it into more manageable bits on those long hauls. Setting my pace is getting easier the more I do it, and those long swims are paying off. Ugh. 

• Fog. Safety first. Beautiful sunrise on River Road, but fog is not conducive to surviving on a bike.

The Road to Nowhere...

Lizzard demonstrating her cloak of invisibility

Hot Air Balloon on River Road

Lessons Learned:

• Varsity Sports can hire me as a shoe box sorter if I ever lose my day job (thanks Varsity Challenge).

Canada and Coug

• Swim and Bike testing is definitely more fun in a group. Thanks Fitbirds!

Koko, Grace, Ellen on Fog Assessment Ride

Captain Lizzard determining if it really IS a 10 mile loop...NOT!

Ellen, Lizzard, Coug, Koko, Grace ~ Post Testing!

• That there are still SO many more lessons to be learned...

Planned/Actual Time: 7:00

Still GREEN!

Week Eight: Worth the Effort...

Stealth Ninja

Finally. Another difficult week done and another recovery week to look forward to! This week has been hard, but so encouraging and exciting! I've ridden my bike through a potential "tornado", had the best 30 minute run test of my life, suffered through some pool workouts that almost killed me... but in the end made me stronger, and ended the week with a brick workout that incorporated a bit of everything. My saddle debate continues as I can hardly sit down now without wincing. My bike trainer is in the mail. My attitude is good and I am ready for a 7 day breather.

Challenges of the Week:

• Keeping focused on the task at hand and not looking too far ahead. One workout at a time, one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow.

• Repetition, repetition, repetition. A doctor I used to work with always said that repetition was the best way to learn. I think she was right. After having just completed several 4000yd workouts of swim technique, drills, and speed work ~ I learned. I learned that although it was really hard, it was worth the effort. I see huge improvements in my performance.

• A brick workout of a 40 minute swim, a 90 minute bike, and a 45 minute run. Challenge =  Happiness when it is all over.

Protein and Probiotics. Recovery drink. NOLA finish line 2011 prep.

Lessons Learned:

• Believing in yourself makes all the difference in the world. When others believe in you too, it just intensifies the feeling. Having your efforts recognized is just icing on the cake.

• Riding a bicycle in gale force winds is hard to do, but hunkering down by a tree in a severe thunderstorm is just stupid... but pretty fun when you are with a good friend!

Epic Ride: Canada and Coug

• Pain can be overcome if you ignore it. Sometimes it likes to reappear or move to other places, but it can be overcome.

• I am getting pretty good at blowing snot rockets. 75% of the time now I miss my own shirt. I don't know if the percentage is that good for the person riding behind me...

Coug and Grace. Thanks Buddy!

• There is nothing better after a really hard workout than sharing a TCBY peanut butter shake with a friend.

Planned Time: 16:14:30 
Actual Time: 16:05:45 and still GREEN!

Week Seven: Brrrrrrrrr

If you follow my posts regularly and wonder why I didn't post up last Sunday at the end of Week Seven it would be because, well, I was exhausted. So much so that even now I am trying to think back on that week to remember if there were any breakthroughs or moments that were worth documenting. In fact, I had to review my Training Peaks logs to see exactly what happened last week, and yes there were a few breakthroughs.

Week Seven's Challenges:

• Freezing cold temperatures shut down Master's outdoor swimming for the week... which initially shut me down. Faced again with having to self-motivate ~ I struggled. Luckily I had a swift kick in the butt from my Coach and managed to go and get the workouts done. They weren't as fast or as intense as they would have been if there had been a stern disciplinarian on the pool deck, but they got done. Check. The cold also prevented me from riding outdoors and forced me onto a stationary bike. Although it was nice to watch TV and ride, I miss being on my bike. I immediately decided that now was the time to get the bike trainer. I am anxiously awaiting its arrival.

• Testing: I had a 1.5 mile run test on my schedule. I was very pleased with my time as I ran it keeping a 10 minute pace, which was much improved from my last test. Considering I had to run it twice because I had issues with my Garmin half-way through my first attempt, I was pleased that I'd "cowboy'd up" and got r dun.

• Race: I decided to throw in a little trail run on Saturday in place of my long asphalt run that was scheduled. Although I had companionship at the race, I ran it alone and it felt good to be out on the trails again. I had my best run in a race yet and held a 10:02 pace for close to 5 miles. I am feeling good about my running these days!

• Setting a Time Goal for the Swim: I was surprised by how much this task threw me. Initially I did not want to set any goals for my race, especially my swim. My goal was to finish happy... er, or officially. But after many hours of deliberation and debates with my coach about the need for a goal, especially for developing a training plan, I acquiesced. And looking back at this a week later, I am glad I did. I need to embrace the goal-setting process and challenge myself to do more than just "finish officially." I am capable of blowing it out this year, and I'm going to. And I hope to meet some challenging, but realistic goals in the process. Booyah.

• Hood To Coast: Mentally trying to prepare for the Rouge Orleans race. Our team of six went to dinner and the premier of the H2C movie to get inspired. Although that race looks like a blast, it kind of scares the hell out of me. But on a brighter note, we picked out our team shirts for RO! Don't have to worry about getting hit by a semi in these! Of course, I hope there won't be any semi's driving on the levee...

Lesson Learned:

• I am a triathlete, I no longer am someone who just "does" triathlons. It may seem like silly semantics, but it was an earth shattering revelation to me. Incorporating that into my identity has increased my confidence tremendously.

Planned: 14:41
Actual: 14:07... and STILL GREEN!

Epic Bike Ride of 2011: Joie de Vivre

Sometimes I find that life just grabs me and slaps me in the face hard as if to say, "Wake up! Experience me! Live!". I find that those moments are rare, making them all the more special. Moments that sneak up on me when I least expect them and surprise me with emotions that had been sleeping in the corners of my mind.

I rode my bike in the rain today and it felt good. Cleansing. I tasted freedom in the streams of water hitting my cheeks. It came at the end of a long ride when it was most needed. I had been pushing hard and was tired and alone when the first drops came. They disappeared almost as quickly as they arrived. When my friend Anne pulled up next to me they had already receded into the clouds. We had a few moments to visit and then she pulled forward, ahead of me, as we focused again on our ride.

It had been a long day of juggling kids, work, and exercise. The afternoon overflowed with training - a long swim and now it was ending with a long ride. We set out together each with our own program, each with our own goals. The sky was gray and muted dark and the wind blew leaves across our paths as we rode. I loved these rides, even though they were challenging. It was time I got to spend with my thoughts, and also with my friend.

We rode solo for most of the ride, each keeping our own pace and working our heart rates in the zones they were meant to be in. We were quiet, focused on our task, pushing hard throughout the main phase of our workout.

Our pace began to slow as we entered the last quarter of our ride and we rode side by side for a while talking about nothing in particular... the stray dogs along the street, training, and plans for the week. The air was beginning to cool and the light was fading as the clouds rolled in around us. The question of whether we would make it back to the cars before the sky opened up on us was never verbalized, but we both were thinking it.

Anne pulled ahead as the first drops began to fall and I tried to keep close to her wheel but was tired. I could see the asphalt darkening as the water came down harder, puddles forming quickly on the road. I ducked my head and stayed low trying to shelter myself from the cold rain as it fell. As we pulled onto River Road I realized I had become invisible. I wore all black, rode a black bike, and had no lights to identify myself as a cyclist. My brightly colored Road ID bracelet had been ordered but not received so when the semi trucks that were flying by eventually hit me and tossed me into a ditch I would have to rely on Anne to identify my remains... if she decided to brave the weather to come back for me.

About two miles from our cars, the weather picked up, pummeling us with hard rain. My glasses were covered with droplets preventing me from seeing clearly. My socks squished as I pedaled and I thought about how the soaking would help to get the stink out of my bike shoes if I remembered to dry them out well. I caught a glimpse of Anne's teal jacket make the turn onto the last road to our car and knew that she'd make sure I made the turn safely as well. I could tell she was slowing to let me catch up so we could ride the last bit together.

Cars flew by kicking up road water onto our already soaked bodies. I howled out in a combination of discomfort and glee, "Woo Hoo!!" And threw a cheesy grin at the truck that sped by. I managed to catch up to Anne and cut the wind with my yelling, "I know this is miserable but it's awesome!" It was in this brief moment that I "got it". I understood why people pushed their limits, tested their thresholds, and sought adventure. Your emotions become heightened and you feel everything. It was the mixture of pain from the pelting rain and joy from the refreshing water that made me feel alive. Anne's smile told me she agreed with my unspoken analysis. She turned and pushed forward through the beating rain and I followed.

Suddenly the rain moved horizontally as the wind picked up dramatically. I watched as Anne's bike began to swerve and she unclipped one foot from her pedal as if to balance herself like a tight-rope walker. Debris began to pummel us and the wind was impossible to ride through. We unclipped and started to push our bikes through the rain to no avail. Anne spotted a nearby oak tree on the side of the road and pointed as she yelled to me, "Over there! Go to the tree!".

Our bikes slid down the side of the ditch and we disrespectfully dropped them on their sides as we tried to climb up the incline to get to the safety of the tree. I looked at Anne and saw a combination of sheer terror, pain, exhilaration, and joy in her eyes as we laughed at each other sliding along the wet roots of the tree with our bike shoes in an attempt to block the wind by hiding behind the trunk of the oak. As any adventure seeker would do in similar circumstances, we thwarted the advice of educated weathermen and hunkered down by the tree, rather than the nearby ditch for safety. Anne, knowing me as well as she does, immediately yelled that this was excellent blog material and that we needed to take pictures!

The rain never really let up, so eventually we decided that if we didn't make a break for our cars we would freeze to death, as no one was coming to our rescue. I had been tempted to try to spoon with her in an effort to keep warm, but thought that unless we were to have to sleep under that oak tree it might be too much for the circumstance. Instead we took our chances and slid back down the ditch picking our bikes up in the process. We fumbled getting re-clipped as our cleats were caked with mud and the rain continued to blind us. As usual, IronAnne pulled out ahead and never looked back, but I felt relatively confident that she would come look for me if I never made it to the van.

By the time we loaded up our bikes and wrung out our shirts the rain had slowed and the sun started to peak out from the clouds. We were elated, energized, and amused by our adventure. It was the best ride of the season and will be referred to from this point on as The Epic Ride of 2011.

My phone stopped working, my clothes got soaked, my bike may end up rusting. I nearly got killed by a semi. I disregarded safety rules by hanging out under a tree in a potential tornado. I had one of the best times ever. I experienced life... and I got to do it with my best bud.

Let's see if we can top this adventure!

Week Six: Off to the Funny Farm!!

I think my mind officially turned to mush this week. There were just so many changes coupled with  poor nutrition + building fatigue that I popped a gasket. I knew going into this week that it was going to be challenging on a different level. A mental level. My membership at Woman's Fitness Center had expired so I was forced to cut ties and make the move to the YMCA to allow me to access my coach's Masters Swim classes, which is what I need more than anything on my training program. By making this move I was losing the comfort of the facility in which I had worked for the past eleven years... losing the comfort of the familiar faces of trainers, co-workers, and training partners. All to be replaced with sweaty men that I had never worked out with, a new facility in which I had no history with and felt stupid and awkward in, and a training schedule that suddenly felt up in the air.

It didn't take long for the mental stress to take its toll. By Monday, the first training day of the week, I was adjusting to a last minute added swim on my program, and one that I would have to do on my own...in a new setting, without a coach, and without any friends. It sounds ridiculous, but it was stressing me out and making me irritable. Swimming in familiar territory was a comfort I had taken for granted. Suddenly having it stripped from me left me feeling vulnerable and insecure. Once I began my swim and had the realization that my grumpiness was a result of change, not just an increase in my training, the discomfort of it all seemed to lessen.

Later in the week, with the help of my coach, I got oriented to the new weight room and realized that it wasn't that different from what I had become accustomed to, with the exception of the new gender surrounding me. Some things I'd just have to learn to deal with.

The week seemed to be moving along well until I ran head first into my first brick wall of the season on Thursday during a swim workout. Apparently I lost all ability to follow directions, breathe, flip, remember simple instructions, or perform basic drills. It got so bad that my self-anger turned into hysterics as I saw the humor in a situation that was completely out of my control. Luckily for me my coach, albeit irritated, remained patient and determined to figure out what nutritional mistake I had made that led up to such an implosion.

By that evening I was incapacitated by exhaustion. Our first team meeting of the season addressed many of the issues involving nutrition that I was struggling with and I made a conscious effort to remember what was being said so I could change things before the weekend's workouts hit full force.

Oh, and if anyone cares (other than me), I did manage to finish the week out GREEN!

Challenges of the Week:

• Dealing with change. Realizing that just because things are different doesn't mean they have to fall apart. Change is not bad. I have to accept my new normal.

• Learning that I actually have to eat more to lose the few pounds I want to get rid of. Nutrition is completely different for endurance athletes than it is for the general public. Dieting is archaic in the form I have used all of my life as a couch potato. Cutting back on my intake is not necessarily the road to success. Eating more often, and eating to fuel my body is the real lesson learned this week.

• Learning how to handle things when they implode in the middle of a workout. I am trying not to get angry at myself when I don't perform up to my potential because it just makes things worse and tends to carry over into other events. Trying to find the balance between falling victim to destructive frustration or blowing it off via hysterical laughing has been a challenge. I want to learn to control my emotions when I'm not functioning at my potential and focus on what I can do to fix the problem instead. But for now, when the fix just won't come, I haven't figured out how to mentally get myself out of the hole of despair.

• Changing my first flat tire. It was not the speedy pit stop I had imagined. Twenty minutes later it was done...but I keep expecting to have it pop as I ride now for fear I didn't do it right. 

• Setting my mind for Saturday's ultra-training day that consisted of a 9 mile run and an 1.5 hour ride after a very challenging week. Luckily, with a little pre-planning and the right training partners it was doable...even enjoyable. And now we have a mobile aid station for long runs complete with water, gatorade, gels, snacks, and inspirational quotes!

Lessons I Learned This Week:

• There is a setting on my Garmin that lets the light stay on constantly when you push the on button twice... so now when I run at dusk I have time to read the little blurry numbers that tell me my heart rate.

• When changing a flat tire it would be good to:

1. Carry the little screw top that goes on the CO2 cartridges in my bike bag with the CO2 cartridges so I can actually use the CO2 cartridges.
2. Have spent some time prior to the flat getting to know my bike (ie how to get the rear wheel off smoothly and quickly).
3. Identify how to use the tire levers correctly and determine just how much force they can take before they break.
4. Figure out how to position the bike so it doesn't fall into a mud pile while I am working on the removed tire.
5. Keep some handy wipes around to mop up all the grease that comes with sloppy tire changing and a dirty chain.
6. Not brag about how fast I think I can change a tire when I've never actually done it before.

• If ever in a training situation where everything appears to be falling apart it is best not to laugh in your coach's face.

• When in a group swim and trying to build relationships with your new swim partners, try not to be the reason everyone has to keep repeating the same drills over and over.

• It is okay to eat breakfast casserole, chess squares, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when you burn 2000+ calories a day through exercise alone.

• All dreams, family time, friends, and extra-curricular activities may have to go on hold when you decide to train for ultra-endurance sports. Hopefully this can be a short-term sacrifice.

Planned Time: 14:01
Actual Time: 14:12:50

Week Five: Comfortably Numb

A really really long swim

It was eventually inevitable. Last 70.3 training it happened at Week Three and on a much greater scale as I ended up with full blown bronchitis that lasted for about two weeks. This week it started as fatigue, a scratchy throat, sinus pain...and now I have laryngitis. If that's as bad as it gets I will not complain. I just want to push through and not let it affect my green streak.

Overall it was a good week. I was afraid between feeling under the weather and having another holiday in the mix that I would finally break and not get everything done, but I managed to get it all in with a few minor modifications to my plan. The smartest thing I did was to move my long run to Friday so I didn't have to run with a hangover on Saturday. That was really good pre-planning - thanks Coach for the suggestion!

Challenges of the Week:

• The obvious challenge was pushing through when not feeling 100%. I had some tough workouts, especially in the pool, and I am happy for making it through those swims with times I can be proud of.

• Flip-turns. Let's just face it. My flip turns are ugly. Apparently I have a chicken-wing that likes to fly out and interfere with the gracefulness of the turn. The harder I work on fixing it, the uglier it gets. It's kind of like my dancing.

• Keeping the focus on me and my performance, not on those around me. I had what I thought was a really good and fast long run at the end of the week based on my comparison of my pace to others and was later disappointed to find that I was still running at a much slower pace than I would like at this point. I need to base my performance on feel, heart rate, and effort... not on comparisons with others

 Lessons Learned:

• It is possible to push through when I don't really want to or feel like my body wants to. It just takes more focus and discipline.

• It's amazing what a mental boost a little bit of praise or an observation on an improvement in an area can do for my self-esteem and motivation. When timed just right it is enough to carry me through a tough week.

• I am becoming a believer in visualization as a tool for mental preparation. I don't know if it's going to work yet, but I don't think imagining every swim stroke, pedal stroke, and step in this upcoming race over and over in my mind in a positive fashion could be detrimental. I figure that if I picture success I will have success.

• I had no idea how a feeling of intense disgust and anger over my performance at last year's race could be used to internally motivate me to never experience that feeling again. I am determined to eliminate any fear, self-doubt, or panic that arises during my preparation for this year's race. There is just no room for it. It just makes me angry thinking about it.

Planned Time: 11:58:30
Actual Time: 12:16:24