Hello there! I would like to introduce myself. I am Tally. Tally Wackinhole. I am what you humanoids refer to as a "gnome". I have to write quickly before I am discovered by the one you refer to as "Garden Gnome" (although I think "Yard Gnome" is more appropriate due to her lack of couth). In fact, I really don't like the fact that you humanoids even associate her with our kind, but I have to admit, I do see the similarity so I will accept the analogy.
Anyway, she appears to be asleep now so I thought I would sneak up here to write my version of the "Dirty Mamas" (as you call them) latest adventure race. You see, I was there the whole time. I think that I can probably give a much more enlightened version of the trip than any reporter can. I have seen things no one else should see, and heard things with my own ears that no one else should hear. For my protection, please keep this record public so everyone will know I exist. You see, I have just recently been released from bondage and fear I may be returned. I have spent the last 5 years hidden away in a box in the home of the one they call "Dirty". I do not question that nickname at all. You people have no idea what I've had to overcome to maintain my sanity there.
